What just happened? And I would nominate myself for an Academy Award for best actress in a drama who is about to get a D but only found out about A 2 weeks ago. It is better for all concerned that I dont call OW. thats when I came back and blew. Own nothing about your husbands cheating. You know your H better than anyone. At the time, he was my best friend. Heck Im angry for you. It's important to know! It is so hard when I still need to work with him. We are still here for you. But at least it is giving him a chance and it might make you feel better in that you will feel you have done everything. Its just something I never ever envisaged could even happen. But summing it up its a disaster and Im about to be divorced. And by the way, my wife didnt come home one night. So maybe she thought if there was a chance of R between us, she better have a stake in the game. NC is best idea. Is it your belief that only the most vocal commentators are entitled? Like others here, you have a BIG HEART. Thanks ShiftingImps, I agree with you and I can certainly see the difficulties for MILs. Let him. Scared of it all. It doesnt feel positive at all. It doesnt matter as long as he is getting the adulation, praise, adoration that he needs and maintaining the power and money that he holds on to and that defines him/her as a person. (2). So now I really think MIL is simply looking out for her son. It will not be an easy road. And when we are hurt by their actions, want to talk about our life together or confront them on their behavior, they simply dismiss our feelings as if we are unworthy. Why does he want to kill himself when he can finally have an out in the open relationship with Schmoopie, akd The Queen of Sheeba? CA. Drug talk,huhyup, you cant make this stuff up. My father bless him even called my H personally and got one of his own contacts, one of the best psychologists in the country, arranged to see him but H refused to make the appointment. Lots of people call their spouses behavior an MLC as though well that is much different than all the other garden variety cheaters. It took months before I could fall asleep with him in the bed. Me: You have to fix this, only you can do it. Maybe your lawyer can get you some kind of power of attorney since hes being wholly uncooperative with regards to business. Unfortunately there are no clear answers. Even though you are working out your stuff in the process, much of what you say are wise words directed towards others just when they need them. I hope its the right one for you. I read your last post and I want to make a few points. I have finally lost my desire and willingness to do this anymore. Once I protected myself financially (6 months from DDay1) the PTSD started to become less and less of an issue. He manned up and did the hard work. I am really glad that you have your dog during this time. when you say you stopped playing nice how long did it take for him to ping back to you? Most men dont leave marriages unless they have a back-up. When I asked him if he was willing to work on the marriage (my final time Im ever going to ask) he said: Theres childhood issues and other issues behind this. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Betrayed Spouses often look back at D-day and think of all the things they did wrong and how they could have handled it differently but they are in SHOCK for heaven sake. She loved the movie Runaway bride. You can only imagine those two weeks. After years of trying unsuccessfully to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that change isn't possible. Ive struggled with how little he cares. Threaten to dissolve the business. See some art, great sights, and eat good food and drink some good wine. Im seeing a lot to be worried about and no actions that are redemption based. On the plus side I do feel is I this outward calm and somewhat grounded (thanks Serene Spa, thank you Shiny Shops, thanks Remote Location). Their mention of leaving is often so out of context, the betrayed spouse feels as if they are talking to someone from another planet. But is that sustainable?? I saw a large Japanese plate my father had gotten in Japan during WWII and I considered grabbing it and smash him over the head with it. Im glad you are keeping your circle small. [3], In September 2006, Wilbanks filed a lawsuit against her ex-fianc, claiming that while she was hospitalized and under medication, she granted Mason power of attorney to negotiate the sale of the couple's story to a publisher in New York. Its getting tricky, but Im hanging in, just trying to do my best. And today received the nicest loving-est text from my H I have had in 6 weeks. I hope they are prepared to clean up after him the rest of his life. Every woman and man out there should know where the money comes from and goes to. You know the truth..hang on to that. But the memories of the things she said and how she treated me are hard to forget. If my husband ever cheats, I will announce to him that we have an open relationship and ask him to help me write an online profile or to fix me up with one of his colleagues. Im not one to use a lot of foul language in my life but we need a safe place to vent and sometimes that includes language. Day was night would that make it true?? My anxiety has hugely reduced, not entirely gone (I suspect it will never fully go) however Im not dealing with the very worst of it on a 24-7 basis. I agree completely that one person cant do all of the work for R. It has to be a joint effort. He chose me and our M. But it was a lie b/c 2wks later he wasnt sure. In your case your H made up his mind before you knew anything. And maybe the joint business makes things more complicated. Satori- Havent seen any posts from you so just wondering how you are doing and how things are going for you. If he wants out that fast you may be able to negotiate a better settlement for you. If you struggle with it, then fake it until you make it. ?and you will never trust me which is crap as I told him I have no intention of policing him and his whereabouts and trust is given but it has to be honoured. But I hear you LOL. Mission accomplished, you got my attention!! On another note, I noticed that a certain website has become quite inspired (ahem!) In my case I worried about H and thought he was depressed. Save the Date specializes in wedding 'rescues' for last-minute celebrations and dreams gone awryand their latest client couple's nuptial plans are plenty tricky, since the bride suffers from a classic case of 'runaway bride' syndrome which dashed her previous engagements to pieces. Carefully considering both your responses TH. St that point I said OK there was nothing I could do. And he had one foot out the door. Well I dint exactly get the gold medal for MILs according to my DILs. You know what my dear , this is such a sticky place to be. Ihlotshaniswa nomlingiswa okhathazekile nosolisayo, lapho yena (yena), ngenxa yezizathu zomuntu siqu nezenhlalo, esaba ukushada. I just sat in it for a whole day as it was the only place I felt safe. I noticed his drinking had increased and his stress levels from our business had seemed to peak somewhat self medicating was in full effect. And then he decided to go. I planned on suing the OW as well for Alienation of Affection. I agree TH re the womans perspective in a A. And I had been in that seesaw or roller coaster for the past 6 months. Which was the polar opposite of his attitude the day before. The legal and financial side of this is heavy!! It hurts like a real BITCH!!! In the movie Runaway Bride, the character played by Julia Roberts seems to be motivated by this kind of phobia. I am not sure how you reconcile your initial complaint with how you have treated me in your post here. You lose that, you lose everything. Mine is anxiety . Eat what you want, drink what you want, go ahead and laugh with your family and cry too but take care of YOU. So yes your H may recognize the D is looming. That was when H told me I was so addictive *smh*. I doubt it. I hope you are going someplace with lots to see and keep you busy. We need to tell our stories.we need to be heard. Ive found instead of denying the emotion if you ride the wave it passes. The reasons for having an affair when coming out of the mouths of cheaters are numerous and all diversion or projecting. I was determined no matter what happened in my marriage I would come out the other side better for it. . Holy shit. No pun intended. Emphasis on the may and only with irrefutable proof the EA has ended and the Runaway H has a plan to make clear his complete remorse and urgent amends on all fronts. And DDay2 is when the control in our relationship came back to me. Im hopeful that she visits often to work through her pain. The joys of an affair and the fog. Runaway bride before the wedding ceremony concept. Runaway Bride Syndrome is not a sentence. Omg. Give yourself a specified amount of time and try to push it. I am sick to my stomach at the prospect. He cried and he said he felt so very sad about me when I described how I felt about my future alone and my skyrocketing anxiety. TryingHard, I think you are so right, underneath it all is fear. Which purely relates to business and domestic tasks that we all have to do but that H wont attend to. Just pathetic. Youd like her. Haha who am I fooling? H said he would come back. He moved back that weekend that I returned home. You know. On the days I let the sadness overtake me, I was a puddle on the floor. Resentful. But he may change and decide to come back and beg forgiveness. Its a horror for sure, with our exes behind the wheel, out of control and hurting everyone around them while they only think of themselves. The selective truth thing is messed up. Thank you everyone for the boost. Just say what I have to say and move on. Matter of fact about a year and a half prior I got so mad one Sunday because he was playing lots of golf and taking way too much time playing it plus working so much. He even admitted that had I even had his friends or family talk to him it would not have changed anything. Just because hes says it loud and often doesnt make it so. So thats another nail in the coffin of R. The missing piece of the puzzle is having one sane rational person who can be a voice of reason in my Hs ear, as TheFirstWife said many posts ago. Hang in there! I dont really feel we are disregarding anyone. I don;t know if I have managed things any better. Silence and silence without any explanation. There are only two ways this plays out: divorce or reconciliation. Ive gained a ton of clarity. Discuss business and not R. Do the 180. | Absolutely all newlyweds are subject to such excitement (men are no exception!). At this stage it is hard to put any stick in anything they say or do b/c it makes no sense. He made us all think he was having a nervous breakdown / depression / illness / Mid Life Crisis. I still face many personal challenges and I guess I will until the end of life. But I think again it was just syaing it as he thought he should. Very similarly my H became someone I fid not recognize during the A. Thanks for your input. Around two weeks after he gave me that ring, he was standing by the fireplace with a glass of wine and I was cooking dinner. Many of these couples are viewed by their circle of friends as being moral and trustworthy people who are happy with each other.(1). OR Being compassionate does not work. No, affairs can and do happen at any age. Did not soften him one bit. Anyway. He is the one who needs a 12 step program to face the reality of his choices, actions and attitudes and the impacts these have had on me, our pet, our families, our friends, our business, our community. In my culture having an affair IS the epitome of disrespect. To see things clearly has really fucked with my centre of gravity. In my pre-treatment mind, there were no issues in our marriage that a dinner and a chat couldnt have fixed. FIL is now spinning the narrative that things were bad between us long before the A. So please when he says this, really dont rip his face off. Lets just say for now between my sisters giving me 4 xanax and 2 ambien and I still didnt sleep matter of fact got in my car and drove, there may or may not have been some B & E and destruction of property!!! If she wants to apologize for her actions Ill listen and decide whether she is just full of shit or sincere. And, sadly, he seems to be digging a deeper hole for himself. Im freaking out that even my beloved dog has caught my depression. She is a classic gold digger, super manipulative. Now you know why he behaves the way he does. They keep the secret conversations, the secret texts, the secret jokes, sitting in the same room us and secretly messaging the AP. But then there was that earring I found in the back seat that he totally gaslighted me on. If GoldenCHild is unhappy then we might be impacted and since our happiness trumps even GoldenCHilds that means we cant have our life undisturbed and that is more important than anything. But keeping getting out for short periods of time and try not to dwell 24/7 on your h. Hugs to you. But not enough shock to finish the job. Your H would not. Once I had a nice big pile I turned on the garden hose and started soaking them. It has been building up with rants and fights over a period of about a week. In 2012 Psychology Today wrote an article about cold feet that cited Wilbanks as an example. Thanks ladies. About the distancing I am getting very worn out / down with it all. Hes a mess. I need the shit to get super real, super fast for him. Satori I think you will find a lot of support here and a lot of good information. Now he is afraid I will D him over this. It had nothing to do with swearing and everything to do with being a royal pain in the ass making false accusations and being slanderous not to mention flaming people whenever she felt like it. Big mess. Its not gasoline its just water. 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